thoughts

So I realize that it has been a REALLY long time since I've last posted on the blog.  There have been a lot of life changes that have happened in the last 6 months.  I believe on my last post I was discussing training for the half marathon with the Local Joe program.  Well....about that....I ended moving to Lincoln, Nebraska at the beginning of August and therefore didn't end up running the half marathon due to a DECLINE/HALT in my training.  Also, because I have promised to be completely honest on this blog, 2014 came and went and all of my goals that I had for 2014 were not met.  Though a lot did happen in 2014, I didn't get financially fit, spiritually fit, or physically fit last year.  Therefore, my 2014 goals have officially carried over into 2015.  The only thing is, I have decided to have a Happy and Healthier 2015.  Because the tail end of last year was ROUGH!  Anyway....that is a story for another time.  I really just wanted to get on here because last night I had a lot of things on my mind.  I have a friend that I really care about and really worry about and yet I think I want better for this friend than they want for themselves.  Sometimes I can have a lot of thoughts roll around in my head and as much as I want to share them, its not always things that need to be said.  My best friend told me recently that I am one of the most emotional people she has ever met.  Not in the "I cry about everything" sense, but in the sense that I have a lot of feelings about things.  I feel things deeply and I have no problem discussing how I feel about something.  However, I was reminded that I don't always need to share those feelings because not everyone can handle those feelings...hahahah.  I get that.  I mean....I can be a hot mess sometimes...not going to lie.  So I was discussing this with another friend of mine and she suggested that I start writing poetry or music.  I have written poems in the past about things but I always feel kinda ridiculous because I have this tendency to want to rhyme everything.  Well, last night I was frustrated and disappointed and worried about things which is just not ok.  So I decided to write down exactly what I wish I could say to this friend.  Maybe someday I will.  So...like it or hate it, here is a poem I wrote for a friend.

when you look in the mirror what do you see

a scared little boy or the man you could be

the boy has been hurt, taken advantage of and used

i get that he's scared that his heart has been bruised

the boy wants to run, wants to hide from that pain

but he'll soon learn down that path there's no gain

no gain whatsoever, no happiness, no joy

all that will be left is an even sadder little boy

so don't be that boy who searches for joy all around

be the man who finds peace in the only place it can be found

in the One who gives peace, joy, happiness, and love

The Creator, Sustainer, and Savior from above

He is the One who takes away all the pain

He bore the wrath of God for you, He is the Lamb that was slain

slain for you and me that we may have eternal life

that truth is so deep, it cuts like a knife

so be the man who sees and knows Him, who loves Him to his core

because that gives a peace that you have never known before

I want you to see, I pray you will know

I hope that your love for Him will continually grow

be the man I see you could be when I look in your eyes

not that scared little boy who puts on a disguise

so when you look in the mirror who will it be

the scared little boy or the man that I see