Something to Say for Sunday

Well it is Sunday!  I love Sundays!  I would love Sundays even more if I didn't have to work on them but....such is life.  Today I got to see my Sunday School childrens that I haven't gotten to see for two weeks!  They are so much fun!  They can be a handful on some days but....they are really a great group of kids.  Today we talked about 1 Samuel.  We discussed Samuel's life and as I was preparing for this lesson I couldn't help but be incredibly convicted.  To see Hannah's devotion to the Lord....amazing!  How she longed and longed for a child and prayed so earnestly for him.  But not just that!  She then promised to give him back to the Lord so that he could serve the Him.  " She made a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and a razor shall never come on his head.” 1 Samuel 1:11.  WHAT?!  I wish I was that woman.  I pray someday I will be that woman. The woman that prays for something so hard but knows with full heart that no matter what, it isn't mine, but the Lord's.  That everything I have is not for me, but to glorify Him.  I pray that this is something I will be working on in my own heart.  

I am a single woman.  In fact, I am 26 years old and I have never been on a date.  I don't say that to get pity or have anyone feel sorry for me.  There is absolutely no reason for that.  It's the Lord's will that I be single right now and I believe that if He has it for me to be married, He will bring a man into my life that will be the perfect person for me. I have no doubt that God will fulfill this desire in my heart to be married, however, it will not be in MY timing but in HIS.  This can be really hard to deal with sometimes.  

These last couple months have been a little tough.  I turned 26 and the holidays followed shortly after.  It was difficult getting another year older and being around everyone that has someone and wanting someone too. Someone to share that time with.  However, I am so mad at myself for feeling this way because I let it get in the way of enjoying what the Lord had placed right in front of me which is an INCREDIBLE family and great friends.  He has given me so much this past year and instead of being joyful, thankful, and content with this, I was bummed because I am still single.  FAIL!  One of the things that I didn't mention before with Hannah is that after she went to the temple and cried and prayed and poured out her heart to the Lord, she walked away not sad anymore!  Another FAIL on my part.  Instead of throwing my own pity party, I should have prayed and poured out my heart to the Lord and trusted in His faithfulness, sovereignty, and love for me!  Psalm 36:5 says "Your lovingkindness, O Lord, extends to the heavens, Your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Ephesians 1:3 says, " Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ." EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING!!!  WAKE UP BETHANY! 

It's so funny sometimes to see the way the Lord reveals His truths to you!  I can't even begin to tell you the wonderful and encouraging things that some of my friends and family members have said to me on the subject of singleness, but, it wasn't until I was preparing for this lesson to teach to my 4, 5, and Kindergartners about Samuel that the Lord opened my eyes to His truths.  It was with this that I was able to be genuinely excited for my friend who text me last night and told me she just got engaged.  This is the first engagement announcement that I haven't felt a little sting when I read it.  When I opened that text with the picture of her left finger with a big rock on it and the little box that said "Song proposed,"  I actually smiled and felt happiness!  Sorry to all those that are reading this that have sent me engagement announcements....I'm just trying to keep it real.  It's not that I wasn't happy for you.  I was just being selfish.  

I know that I am not fully there yet in dealing with all of this.  Even though I know that God is sovereign and faithful, I need to be content in this and I am still striving to get to that point.  I want to be where Hannah was.  She wanted a son that she could give back to the Lord.  I shouldn't want a marriage for my own selfish desires.  I should want a marriage so I can serve the Lord in it. And not just that, I should be looking for the ways that I can be serving the Lord in where He has me today, in my singleness.  I should be trusting in Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."  THAT is what I should be doing and what I will be striving to do from now on!  

I know this was a really long post filled with lots of thoughts and rambles so, if you stuck through this long long post, THANK YOU.  Sometimes I just have to get out what's been going on in this head of mine. Have a good night!